Friday, August 31, 2012

The Present

September is nearly here. Summer is close to over. I love the Fall as a season, but I dread the beginning of a new school year. I'm not in school, but Derek is. We have had an amazing summer where we've been able to spend a lot of time together. But as of next week our schedules will clash once again and we will maybe see each other for an hour out of the day. I HATE his work hours: 5-8 at night! Who works those hours? A Grad Assistant working his way through college I guess. He had this position last year too and it led to some friction between us. I would get upset, because really I moved here to be with him and I would never see him. I guess I can't get mad though because this assistantship is a good one. He gains a lot of experience in his field of study and it will just benefit both of us in the future. Not seeing each other a lot still stinks.

Once we realized that this crazy period of us never seeing each other was starting again Derek said to me, "Well... I guess we'll just have to make the most of the time we do get to spend together". Hes right (I hate it when hes right) instead of stamping my feet like a toddler and whining I need to put that energy into the time we can actually see each other.  Then I started thinking about making the most of all my time. I realized that I need to make the most of the time we don't spend together as much as the time we do. To just be in the present and appreciate all time for what it is. All time is precious and all if it deserves focus. My family time, my alone time, girl time, boyfriend time... all of it. While I'm alone I need to recognize that and value the alone time. When alone I can pursue my interests and focus on the growth of myself. I want to read all the books on my list, watch all the movies, learn to knit, have girlfriends over...When I have kids or a gruling job I wont have as much freedom.  This realization made me a more content person. I don't want to spend this time of complete freedom, anticipating the future.

I find myself too often thinking about future happiness. Do you do that? Glorify life plans so that you look forward to how happy you will be then. I very well might be the happiest I'll ever be when I'm married and have my own family or when I'm working at a dream job, but when I concentrate on that happiness and work solely to achieve those things, I can't recognize the happiness I could be experiencing now. I still think its important to work toward those things, but there is only so much control we have over the future anyway. So when I put all my energy and faith into my distant life I miss the happiness that is right in front of me. I always say things like "I can't wait until Derek has regular work hours." or "I can't wait for that girls trip" when really I should just focus on the present and appreciate it for what it is. Sometimes it seems like its always about the next thing, the next thing will bring us so much happiness (which I would hope it does) when really it should be about the now. I know we don't mean "I can't wait" in the literal sense, but I hope you know what I'm saying. Do you? Or is this just a bunch of gibberish I'm spitting out at 1 in the morning. It very well could be.

I really didn't mean to get all deep, but I thought about the topic and then looked up quotes and there is nothing like a few good quotes to get you really thinking. 

I'll be going camping this weekend with my girlfriends this weekend and checking off another goal. I hope you'll join me! Twitter: Cassandra25th Instagram: cassandrahenri or you can click on my side bar buttons. Either way have a great weekend and thanks for listening!

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